Do you have thoughts that repeat?
Can you hear the inner critic playing - then replaying - a past incident?
I remember days where the voice of the inner critic would remind me of what I did wrong, what I could have done differently, what I should have said, what expectations I blew - not for one incident, for many, over a span of years. I had a mental checklist of my wrong reactions, poorly worded responses, disappointed looks from others, “shame on you” from my mother, failings, and shortcomings from years of living and losing. For years, I didn’t realize there was another way of approaching “failings.”
That loop became ingrained and morphed in distorted importance.
How many times of beating myself up for one mistake is enough?
Did the mental thrashing make me a better person? Uh… nope. Made me shrink. Made me dismiss me. Made me not notice my gifts, talents, skills, and treasures learned from the mistakes. What an insane power!
The dysmorphia of our own minds is lethal. While I was trapped there, my joy and brilliance was dead.
I’ve learned this isn’t isolated to just me. Even my amazing friends can hyper-focus on the one thing they wish they had done better during an otherwise incredible day filled with brilliant actions and service.
Who does this voice serve? In all honesty: No one. Not one person. Not you. Not your family. Not your neighbors.
Where does this control come from? Although that’s a complex topic, we can explore the piece of the puzzle that may have originated as an external voice: a concerned parent, a snotty sibling, a competitive peer, a nosy neighbor, a teacher faultily trying to better you. But, at one point, you’ve accepted it as your own.
Here we are with the light shining on this dark shriveled demon... Now what?
Let’s break the cycle of disempowerment.
Yes, we can dissipate the power of the inner critic.
Yes, it will require effort - but the effort will be less than the energy drained while you’re living in the sludge.
Here are 3 ways to get started:
Know you are worthy
As evidenced by the fact that you exist, you are worthy. Worthy of all things good, of joy, of love. Although life is natural, the process is a complex miracle. You are here. You’ve been born. And, you’ve been born uniquely. You have unique gifts, talents, skills, interests. At your core, you are sourced by love, as one important part of a whole.
When we really embrace that, at our unshakable foundation, in our essence, we are always worthy, we can begin to focus on that inner core and live from that spark of Life. Think it. Believe it. Know it. Remind yourself often - until it’s natural. Write it on your mirror. Use it as a screen saver. Keep a note on your desk.
You are YOU. Explore your interests, talents, desires, essence. All else is basically irrelevant. Others’ shoulds and must-dos are their issue. Not yours. You’ll never be who someone else wants you to be, because that other person has an image in their mind made from their own experiences and perspectives. You’ll never really figure out what’s in someone else’s mind, so that’s futile… and unnecessary. Live with your focus on your inner self and your core of bright shining light and power, and the outward critics will fade away, or become much less important to you.
The inner critic will no longer be dictating your life.
Witness the voice
Each time your inner critic pops up, take a pause to see if there’s a lesson for you. Do you want to learn a new skill? Communicate differently? Show up for yourself or others differently? Evaluate the criticism, then let the voice go. Keep the lesson and release the nag.
We have more choice in our thinking than it may seem. We can evaluate the thoughts passing through our mind and choose what to do with them. What response benefits our being? Which pesky thoughts are poking us for misery’s sake? Which ones point to an opportunity for deeper learning?
How do you do this?
Imagine yourself standing right next to you, eyes gazing at you, hand on chin in curiosity, and watching yourself have those thoughts. Notice the thoughts swirl by in full color and cloud cover. Notice the bursts, thrusts, and waning. As the witness, curiosity and wonder fuel the process. What do you find in those passing thoughts that’s interesting?
Watching yourself watch your thoughts is a pretty cool experience. It can feel surreal. It may be weird at first, but it’s like a flexibility exercise. Each time you try it, you may find you’ve stretched yourself a little further.
So, go on… watch your inner critic poke at you and notice how it loses power while you figure out if there’s something you’d like to improve about yourself or your journey.
Ask yourself, “Is it TRUE?”
Is the inner critic negative loop filled with truth and beauty? Yeah.. no. It may point to words you said (or didn’t) and actions you fumbled, but that’s the surface “truth” and not the deeper truth of importance.
Did you hurt someone’s feelings with your words? Screw up a career path? Miss an opportunity? All that may be so. And, at the same time, these misused words and actions are mistakes - not signs of a useless life. Do you need to make amends or choose differently next time? Sure. Take the growth and do it better next time. The problem occurs when we go beyond acknowledging our “bad” thoughts and actions to think that we are bad.
The difference? In humanity, we will make mistakes and do things that feel wrong. Correct them. Learn from them. Do better next time. But separate the action from the value of who you are. Your lousy action doesn’t mean you are a lousy person. It means you’ve got some growing to do.
The dysmorphia is the inner critic warping the value of your actual being.
The deeper capital T Truth is light, bright, creative, nurturing, always unifying, and sourced from love.
When you catch the inner critic and ask yourself, “Is it TRUE?” you’re looking for the deep bright beautiful truth. Is it true that you’re worthless? No. When the voice says you’re a failure because the kids don’t have clean underwear today, ask yourself, “Is it true?” The part about making a mistake is something that needs to be corrected, but “you are a failure” is not true - and never will be. Do better with the mistake, but dismiss the dysmorphia of the truth of who you are.
When you’ve got a situation on repeat in your mind, it has claimed distorted importance. Witness it. Choose what you want to learn from it. Write down what you’d like to improve. Remind yourself of the new steps you’d like to take going forward. And, know your value. Your wrong action has not changed the core of who you are.
You are beautiful, unique, loved, creative, and sourced from Love. You are a blessing.
May this moment begin the dissipation of the inner critic and release you to live in freedom, creativity, and joy.
