Is your child ditching schoolwork to spend more time with texting or social media? I realize even some elementary school students turn off the zoom class video and private chat with their friends rather than participate in the lesson. 

Perhaps she’s hungry. 

These days are uncertain, wobbly, foggy, sticky, incomprehensible. Many of us don’t have a clear frame of reference from our experience to emotionally, physically and mentally navigate clear strategic steps. 

Although you’d like her to focus on her responsibilities (a very admirable goal), in tough times we turn to our people: we want reassurance, encouragement, reflection and friendship.

When our basic needs aren’t met, we are preoccupied... “I’m so hungry. I’m so hungry. I’m so hungry. Why are you asking me to listen to a teacher on the computer when I’m so hungry?” 

Connection is a basic need. How is her soul growling with hunger?

If I’m physically hungry and I eat cookies, I find I’m not satiated. Before long, I’m eating again. When I opt for nutrient rich food, I’m satiated. The cravings stop. I can reach for the cookies, but they don’t keep calling to me. 

Same with our craving for connection. When I have nourishing connection, I’m not preoccupied with a frantic search to find it. I can enjoy other activities, including alone time and study. 

Now What?

We are all stronger together. Is your child looking for that connection through the technology connections? Notice her needs. Does she miss her people? How can we help our kids be happy and well-nourished?

Text, email, chat, social media is all 2D communication. It’s flat. The engagement is limited and disjointed. As you wait for a reply, you are likely to be searching dozens of other things, with your mind bouncing between them. Plus, we read succinct thoughts through our current filter. Our own emotions reflect back to us. If you read a post and are expecting it to be condescending, that is likely what you’ll find. It’s hard to be crystal clear in 2D. This flat communication is the often tasty but nutrient-lacking cookie.

True engagement comes from more personal, interactive 3D communication. We hear a voice, see a face, read the body language, ask clarifying questions in real time while having a face-to-face conversation. Super cool for your home and quarantine family. Although we’re limited with others, we do still have opportunities for nutrient-rich voice conversations and virtual face-to-face time. 

What does your child need as she sneaks the tech snacks? 

How can you offer your child the time with friends that nourishes her soul? 

What tweaks can you make in your home to offer small bolts of family connection? Meal together? Family card game at breakfast? (Kings in the Corner is a 5-10 minute game.) Unexpected silliness? Announce her upcoming zoom class in song or with pretend instruments… the unanticipated pulls her focus to you and you can have a moment. 

Regular nourishment sustains us pretty well. We may still sneak the cookie, but maybe less often. 

We are social creatures. We crave connection. How can we get satiated? 

We can totally do this. Together.