You may have been hearing the term “self-love” more often these days. Why? Isn’t self-love a natural thing? Wouldn’t you think? We all desire happiness and meaning - and, our self is a constant in our lives, so in a glimpse it seems like a given. After all, no matter where we go, there we are. Always together. 

“Love your neighbor as yourself” has been a principle for how to live for thousands of years, yet many of us lose sight of the importance of the “love yourself” part. Perhaps we’ve been taught to put others’ needs first. Perhaps we’ve been told that humility means devaluing ourselves. Perhaps we think if we live too loudly and shine too brightly, it’ll diminish or upset others. 

When we dismiss the “love ourselves” part, we’re not doing anyone any favors. 

When we live in self-love, we deepen our experience of life. We utilize our gifts and natural talents, we approach life with a sense of wonder, we have an anchor in the turmoil, we share joy and love. We give others permission to do the same. 

Self-love, as a way of being, unlocks freedom, creativity, joy, confidence, competence. It’s a beautiful, perfect idea. 

While we’re busy doing life and taking care of responsibilities with self-love on the back burner, we experience surface motion and task checklists, and life is shallow. We’re ankle-deep, while there’s an ocean of life and love to experience. 

How do we deepen the experience of life while maintaining many of the same activities?

Deepen into the moment

Any moment, any activity can be experienced differently by giving it your full attention. Be deeply present. Let the peripheral mind clutter sit still in the background for a while, while you focus on the one present moment. 

Washing your hands? How does the water feel as it flows on your skin? Can you smell the gentle fragrance of the soap? What sensation do you have with the pressure of one hand rubbing the other?

Are you sitting with a loved one? Can you look into their eyes and just be in the moment? 

The to-dos of the day can be annoying or they can just be. Accept that you're jumping into the task and give it your attention. 

This is how we find the extraordinary in the ordinary. 

Gratitude

Some days love and gratitude dance in the air surrounding my every step. Colors are brighter, moments are rich, joy is present in every simple smile. I feel a lightness in my steps, a clarity of mind, warmth from within with a true sense of belonging.

How do you feel when you’re steeped in gratitude? (I’ll wait. It’s a real question.)

For the days that are ordinary, flat, or drudgery, when appreciation is dancing outside my view, the simple question “What are you grateful for?” re-frames my day. Each time I call with a business partner, we begin the conversation answering that question. Either I rattle off a list easily, or it makes me pause and search for something, anything. The question opens the door to the dungeon to free my stuck mind and welcomes me back into an appreciation for life.

Some choose to write in a gratitude journal each day. 

Some will presence thankfulness with their fresh cup of coffee, while taking a walk, while gardening, while cuddling with their dog, while seeing their sleeping child. 

Some have a friend ask during each phone call. 

What works for you? 

Spend time with you

Life can be a relay of tasks. Work tasks pass the baton to home to-dos which pass the baton to family responsibilities which pass to societal expectations. The original marathon runner dropped dead after his 26 mile run from Marathon to Athens to deliver an important message. Perhaps he needed a little self-care along the way rather than pushing through the long arduous task. Sound a bit dramatic? hmmm

We do have important responsibilities and relationships to nurture and cherish. How can we balance them with self-care? 

We can start with time with ourselves. When’s the last time you really listened to you, explored your interests, deepest desires, natural abilities, joys, talents, curiosities? 

You may choose a serious appointment that takes precedence on your calendar. Or a spontaneous whimsical date. Maybe guided meditation. Perhaps journaling first thing in the morning. Could be turning off the tv and podcasts while you fold laundry. You do you. 

The goal is to presence YOU and listen to what comes up for you. 

What messages do you have for yourself?

How are your current interests different than they were last decade?

What talent do you wish to cultivate?

What form of creativity is tugging at your shirttail? 

Once you decide to spend more time with you, you’ll find endless opportunities to do so. 

By prioritizing your relationship with yourself, you’ll find you also show up differently for your other relationships. Your strongest wisest self will join you on your journey. 

Permission to be imperfect 

Perfection, as taught to us, is a warped concept. “Be the best.” “Don’t celebrate until you’ve done it perfectly.” Instead of appreciating our skills and talents, we deliberately focus on the flaws and shortcomings “to better ourselves.” 

I fully support: “Do your best.” “Learn, grow, evolve.” “Follow your deepest desires.” 

See the difference? In imperfect humanity, needing to be the best leads to the heartbreak of being stuck studying our flaws and not celebrating the process of growth and not appreciating exactly who we are while we’re doing the growing and the learning. 

We are made in perfect creation, sourced from divine love, and our essence is beautiful. At the same time, we have been born into imperfect humanity. 

Our imperfections are excellent tools. They guide us to expand our mind, our skills, our relationships, our trust in life. 

Consider this your permission slip to embrace your imperfections. You are perfect at your core. The human frailty is part of this journey to rediscover our wholeness and joy in connection. 

Self-love is a wonderful compass. With a quick check-in with yourself, you can know if thoughts, actions, beliefs are serving you well. If they’re not, you can re-evaluate. We make choices all the time… even when we’re not aware of making the choices. And, those unconscious or subconscious choices may not be serving you. 

When you feel joy, peace, agape, that’s an excellent guide toward living in the essence of your being and being more fully truly yourself. 

Self-love enriches our days and brightens our moments.