Ever mess up? Me neither. The end.

Ok, so when you mess up, do you get the repetitive thoughts, “Why did I do that?” “What was I thinking?” “How could I?” “I’m so stupid.” or worse, times a million? Notice that chatter. If you think about the thoughts, can you watch them happening? Do they keep their intensity when you watch them streaming by?

First things first. Is it true? Are you beating yourself up for an actual mistake? Step back, assess the situation: Were you actually hurtful or disrespectful? Or were you simply not living up to someone else’s (or your own) unrealistic expectations? Society gives us a lot of ridiculous and meaningless expectations that we accept. Are your thoughts about yourself true? Are you really the dumbest person you know? (If you answered yes, go sit quietly for a minute, then come back. I may not have met you, but that’s an unfair assessment.)

Here’s the thing. There is no human perfection. We may be taught that we need to be perfect. Perhaps a parent shoves you in the box labeled, “Most Perfect Human Ever.” If you read the fine print, the label says you’ll be a straight A student, save the world and never mess up. Anything other than that is cause for a mental beating. Or maybe we’re tossed in the “why bother” category given our family history. Either way, these are ridiculous judgments. Unfortunately, we are wired to internalize the ridiculous judgments and live as if they’re truth.

Could we take a step back and re-focus our lens?

What if… we focus on doing our best? Not societal expectations, not THE best, but our best. OUR own best, based on our learning, circumstances, and experiences. Let’s step forward, doing our best, and growing with our new experiences. Our best with limited experience is not the same as our best with extensive experience. That’s ok. We can take joy in moving forward on our own personalized journey. Seriously, how do we get the new experience to know better and do better, unless we move forward with curiosity and wonder, and not the I wonder how I’ll mess up now kind of wonder.

Here is your official invitation to act confidently with your own skills and talent and a focus on growth. Spoiler alert: life is all about the growth. There’s no magic age of perfection and no set finish line. Don’t reach for the end. This is an infinite game.

Those I’m an idiot mess-ups are life’s way of either pushing you in a different direction or asking for your full commitment as you strive toward your goals. Looking back, they may no longer look negative. Right now, trust the push.

Forgive yourself. You did your best for your current situation. If you screwed up, learn from it. If you hurt someone, apologize. You may need to make amends with another. Or yourself. The weight of the burdens of carrying those mistakes that continue to pile up prevent us from moving lightly and swiftly toward our own best life.

Choose to learn. Choose to love. Choose to forgive.